The Red Flags in Christian Dating Advice Everyone Should be Mindful Of

The Red Flags in Christian Dating Advice Everyone Should be Mindful Of

1. Myth: “Sharing the same faith is enough.”

→ Reality: Shared faith is a start and it is very important and also scriptural, but values and goals are crucial. Shared goals is equally important. I find most Christians want to ignore shared values and goals.

“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭NLT‬‬
As I said shared Faith is always the start and it’s very important.

However, the worst thing you can ever do is to unequally yoke in the house Of God.

“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”
‭‭Amos‬ ‭3‬:‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

2. Myth: “Opposites attract.”

 
→ Reality: Complementary traits can be appealing short-term, but core incompatibilities often emerge later. I learned the hard way that shared habits and interests smooth long-term hurdles.

Find yourself somebody who is not too opposite of what you are. At the end of the honeymoon period it will be difficult to sustain the relationship. As a Christian matchmaker, I often try to put people together who are as alike as possible they don’t have to be the same person but they can be very similar and that has worked for the couples that I have put together

3. Myth: “Praying together solves all problems.”

 
→ Reality: Prayer is powerful, but it can’t replace honest communication and action. Before I got married, I was so naive to think that praying together would solve everything, but I soon learned that we needed to be able to communicate; we needed to have conversations. We also need to be able to be transparent with one another. Through my marriage, I learnt the importance of being with somebody who can acknowledge your feelings, someone who can communicate during hard times. Accountability is also very important. Praying together is not the only answer. Praying together is a start, and it’s very important and should never be overlooked, but being with somebody who is accountable, who acknowledges your feelings, and who is able to love you in the way that you deserve to be loved is also essential.

Choose a spouse that you can pray with, but they must also be a person that can take accountability and also a great communicator.

4. Myth: “If it’s meant to be, it will happen.” 

→ Reality: Relationships require effort, intention, and choice.

The scripture is very explicit in telling us that faith without works is dead.

“For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”
‭‭James‬ ‭2‬:‭26‬ ‭KJV‬‬

There is nothing wrong with seeking a matchmaker to help you find love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to Christian dating sites to find your spouse. I find that a lot of Christians are so lazy when it comes to educating themselves, especially regarding the subject of looking for love or maintaining relationships. We often think that the Lord will just do it for us because we believe in Him, but the scripture also tells us that people perish because of a lack of knowledge. Don’t leave the decision of choosing a spouse to fate; you are responsible for the outcomes of your future. God has put power in you: the power to choose, the power to speak things into existence, and the power to learn how to pick the right person.

I missed opportunities waiting for divine intervention instead of taking proactive steps in dating. It is okay to put yourself in the right places for someone to find you. Of course, you’re looking for a spouse, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Don’t waste your youth just sitting and saying, “I’m just waiting for someone to come along.” How can you lose all your 20s and 30s just sitting at home, waiting, only to start looking for a matchmaker in your 40s? I say this because I am a Christian matchmaker, and I see this a lot.

5. Myth: “Boundaries are unromantic.”

 
→ Reality: Strong boundaries foster respect and intimacy.

When you hear the term “boundaries,” you might picture barriers that keep you apart from others, and in some ways, that’s accurate. However, boundaries are not inherently negative. They play a vital role in fostering healthy, balanced relationships and are essential for preserving your identity, mental wellness, and physical health.

Early on, I saw boundaries as barriers, not realising that they safeguard emotional and spiritual health. As a married person, I have learned that having boundaries doesn’t make me an unsubmissive wife; it also doesn’t make me a rude wife. Boundaries teach people how they should love us and how they should treat us.

6. Myth: “Spiritual compatibility trumps all else.”

→ Reality: Spiritual alignment is crucial, yet it doesn’t guarantee compatibility in lifestyle, family dynamics, or career aspirations. While having shared beliefs can create a strong foundation, it’s essential to recognise that relationships involve many aspects. For example, you might both share a faith, but if one partner prioritises career advancement while the other values a slower-paced family life, conflicts are likely to arise. Differences in parenting styles, financial habits, or even leisure activities can lead to misunderstandings. It is important to discuss these areas openly and find common ground, as spiritual compatibility alone won’t help you navigate the complexities of daily life together. Mutual respect and understanding across various dimensions are what truly strengthen relationships.

7. Myth: “You can change them.” 

→ Reality: People change when they choose to, not because you want them to. I spent years believing love could transform someone, only to learn change is personal and complex. It’s common to see potential in someone and wish to help them grow, but this can turn into a frustrating endeavor if they aren’t ready or willing to embrace that change. Love can inspire personal growth, but it should never be the sole reason for trying to alter someone’s behavior or beliefs. Accepting someone as they are is crucial for a healthy relationship. I’ve come to understand that true love involves encouraging one another to be the best versions of ourselves without trying to force change. It’s liberating to focus on our own personal growth rather than imposing our desires on others.

People should only change for God not for other people.

Love and Blessings
Mrs E